The Shadow within Shadow Work
Nobody really talks about the Shadow aspect of “Shadow Work”.
Maybe because it takes time to see it. I am only now getting it myself, even though the concept is not new.
Recognizing it is the first step, right?
We dive deep to HEAL what is Wounded.
We clean up our Vibe to Attract our authentic, healthy Tribe.
We fix, correct, perfect - what is deemed or perceived as Broken within ourselves, to become “a better human” in an attempt to live well. There is absolutely nothing wrong with this. It is good to have growth and expansion and to become more. You will naturally do these things, you were designed this way! It is what we came for, growth and expansion. It is the creation process.
Then again so is enjoying what you created, celebrating yourself and honoring your progress on this journey!
When we focus on our flaws, we see more flaws. We see more to improve upon. Improvement will happen naturally. It just is human nature to look at something and say… it would be better if…
One could argue that we would be better served to cultivate the ENJOYMENT of where we are right now. The pleasure of this moment. The beauty in what is, and how it is… in what became, because of what was….
Shifting from Shadow Work to Celebrating the Creation Process.
What has taken me forever to grasp is that
I am PERFECTION IN MOTION NOW
not when all my shadows have been brought into the light, but RIGHT NOW.
It is funny how this constant desire to perfect, becomes the shadow itself. At some point, you realize, you’ll ALWAYS have another layer to work through. You’ll always have another piece of you rising to the surface to be examined in the spotlight of truth and either accepted and integrated or still rejected… these beautiful pieces of you.
Self-examination is an important part of life, but at what point do you become good enough to be considered Good ENOUGH? Or Acceptable?
At what point do you decide that others are acceptable too, just as they are?
There is beauty in all that we call messy and imperfect. Can you see it? Do you recognize the beauty of the life lived on this planet? The ups & the downs & the curve balls? The moments that call us forward into more are often those that are lived in the shadows. Those things that were created from the shadow aspects of us, are moments of our truth from our perspectives right then, no matter how flawed they were, they were ours.
Sure, we want to create it better in the future, ergo, shadow work, but when do we finally decide -
I am perfection in motion, worthy and deserving of having all good things that I am a match for NOW, not when I’ve become a better version of me, right now!
People aren’t good or bad, toxic or healthy
- As people, we are simply HUMAN -
So here’s the thing that I realized in my latest endeavor to appreciate this human race, until I accept that I am PERFECTION IN MOTION, I can’t see others that way either. Until nobody need to change in order for me to appreciate them, I won’t be able to appreciate me JUST AS I AM.
They are two sides of the same magnetic coin!
That’s the thing about your “shadow aspects”, they are reflected in your mirrors. That is where you see glimpses of them shining back at you. What rubs you the wrong way, is a call to take a deeper look at yourself. And focusing on those flaws causes them to get bigger….
Labeling people as good or bad, right or wrong, toxic or healthy is flawed…. people are a mixed bag of life experiences and emotions. We aren’t good or bad, as people we are simply human.
This came up for me in a discussion on “Toxic Masculinity” which I have been growing increasingly frustrated around the concept. The very fact that we don’t seem to label Masculinity as “healthy” or focus on aspects that are healthy, demonstrates the skewed view that Masculinity is just … plain Toxic - and that is simply not true. The question was posed, what about “Toxic Femininity”. Yes, please, let’s open that can of worms or not.
What I have come to recognize is that Toxic attracts Toxic.
Healed attracts Healed.
Therefore, heal thyself before pointing fingers at your toxic mirrors.
Ahhhh - but you see even in my desire to see this come to light, I am judging others for all the finger pointing and blaming them for what “they are doing”.
We like to label & categorize & pick sides… then decide who is on the right side or the wrong side - then point, push against the others’ behaviors and blame them for all the “evils” of the world.
Somewhere in the middle of all of this, we forget to accept, embrace, and love our HUMAN Selves and Humanity in general. We forget to embrace the VARIETY that we be and the fact that we are always changing and becoming different and more at the same time.
And we are not all living the same moment at the the same time. There are many path & perspectives in this life. Depending on your beliefs, you may also see that there are some who are old souls and others who are newer on their journeys.
This labeling, judging & picking apart, is the reason we often shy away from authentically, uniquely, unapologetically living our truth to our own selves… because we fear the same judgement that we hand out. What if we are outcast from our own “groups”?
Beautiful, messy humans that we be….
What if we are rejected for shining our light in our way, just as we reject others for shining theirs?
Not accepting others as they are, as they choose to be, without asking them to be different for you… so that when you look upon them, you may feel good and smile… instead of appreciating the beauty of the humanness that just IS
- Is ultimately a form of self-rejection in the shadow.
So where does that leave us with Shadow Work?
Shadow work was never supposed to be about condemnation of how we are or were, but about acceptance of ALL ASPECTS & PIECES Of YOU!!!! Somewhere along the way, we “humaned” and became overly critical, thus in doing our “shadow work” rejected ourselves OVER & OVER & OVER again, in a hundred different ways!
What if we stopped focusing SO strongly on the Shadows and started focusing on Celebrating our Uniqueness without asking that anyone else accept us for it?
What if we started ACCEPTING ourselves, period, end of story?
Wayne Dyer said, “What you think of me is none of my business.” That is a hard one to implement when we are so focused on being accepted by society, fitting in, and GOD FORBID - in this “cancel culture”, that we be ostracized for making a mistake, let alone speaking our own truth and it being against the grain, different, unique, or unacceptable by the masses.
What if we shifted though?
What if we focused on our progress, not our stagnation?
What if we celebrated EVERY LITTLE WIN, instead of each failure?
What if we celebrated LIFE?
What if we celebrated HUMANITY just as it is - in all the ways we have become more?
Beautiful, Messy Human
- You are Perfection In Motion - Right Now.
I would dare say - that to look in the mirror and fully accept yourself unapologetically, without judgement of your own lived experiences and just accept that at every point in time - you have been perfection in motion …. doing your best, from where you stood, with what you had & what you’ve been through, from your lived perspective and perception - is the END of Shadow work and the beginning of true Freedom!
When we come to the place where we have decided that this is our truth, we can also extend that “truth” to the humans of the world. We can start appreciating instead of condemning.
No, I do not need you to change in order for me to be happy. I do not need you to be kinder, more tolerant, less angry, or more like me in some way, in order for me to acknowledge that you are beautiful in your living. I can appreciate that you are perfection in motion. No, I do not need to know what nasty, awful things you or those other humans did to know that (we) have all acted in ways we wished we had not at times. We have the capacity to do so when we are hurt, feel wronged, or rejected. It doesn’t make us evil, wrong, or broken - it makes us human -beautiful, messy humans that we be….